FML

Last day

2010

soon, gonna put an END to year 2009

a year where too many things happen and these shits made some impact in my life

haha, looking back this year

the word to describe juz a WOW

though lots unfortunate things happen, but there are also things making me happy

the most important changes is i change my course frm engineering to marketing

surprising right? haha, erm, this actually is the 1st failure i face in my life

having some regrets

having feelings of guilt for my parents

the $$ spent which cant be recover

fundamental of maths not strong for me to survive in engineering

but anyway, it can be a good experience at least i try it

but this trying make me loss lots $$

an expensive trial i think

however, marketing course aint bad at all

i like it very much compare to engineering

the lecturers, tutors and most importantly friends

frm every aspect it is better.. juz the housemates..

haha

my WONDERFUL KL HOUSE MATES

they are people who can mix with me without any conflict

haha, lots of fun and unforgettable memory i had in Setapak

yesterday just visited them, miss the lame jokes and the stalls there

every place there give me memories..

my new course mates are

fine, friendly except

fews are annoying or i say the mentality still like kids (no offense)

give them time to grow and mature

environment and experience will make them grow

hope to be the better one not the worse =)

moving to kampar, i cant manage to continue my coaching part-time

haha, miss those days, some is about the $ and some is about the passion and interest

basketball fading away in my life after moved kampar

life of a coach stop here, sometime think of it really kind of sad

the feeling worst when heard the training people getting lesser after i left

due to various reasons, of course not me =) but still gt xtra reasons

calls frm teacher inform me that players getting lesser and etc...

my foundation for the form1 kids juz gone like that

there are anger and frustration

but ntg can be done

i aint a experienced or a high level coach

but still eager to learn more tactical strategy to teach my players

haha, hope can accomplish this unfinished task once i done with my course

so good to see players grow year by year and getting better

their achievement could measure your efforts and the feeling get better when they remember you and msn wif you.

haha, it juz happen last two weeks,

one of my player now playing for Taylor's college

ask me to train him and challenge me for 3 points =)

but i told him i too old and lack of practice XD

so cant really compete wif him haha..

good excuse =)

Besides, moved kampar i knw how important is saving $

previously i spent wat i earn on food and shoes

therefore, now whatever i need, need ask $ frm parents

slowly learning the lessons haha

this year, can say i club the most and having exposure to alcohol to max

after all, clubbing for me actually just enjoy and gather wif frens

the atmosphere.... while drinking wif close frens is the emo time

time to express yourself and revealed the things which make you sad over and etc

that is what i doing now la..

my course getting interesting, knowing more lecturers

these lecturers are friendly than those idiot Dr in the engineering faculty

i started to bullshitz wif them whenever i c them

they are experienced workers last time, so i hope can get something frm them

some guidance and etc =)

ＴＯＴＡＬ ＪＡＭＭＥＤ

ｏｈｈ．．．　ｓｈｉｔｚｚｚｚｚｚ
ｍｙ　ｂｒａｉｎ　ｊａｍｍｅｄ　ｗｉｆ　ａｌｌ　ｔｈｅ　ｔｅｒｍｓ　ｎｗ．．
ｊｕｚ　ｔｈｅ　１ｓｔ　ｓｕｂｊｅｃｔ　ｉ＇ｍ　ａｌｒｅａｄｙ　ｈａｌｆ　ｄｅａｄ．
ｄｏｎｔ　ｋｎｗ　ｉｓ　ｔａｔ　ｉｍｐａｃｔ　ｆｒｍ　ａｃｃｉｄｅｎｔ　ｏ　ｓｅｒｉｏｕｓｌｙ　ｊａｍｍｅｄ　ｔｈｅｒｅｆｏｒｅ　ｃａｎ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｔｈｅ　ｐａｉｎ．．　ｃａｎ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｒａｉｎ　ｎｏ　ｌｏｎｇｅｒ　ａｂｓｏｒｂ　ｗｈａｔ　ｉ　ａｍ　ｒｅａｄｉｎｇ　ａｎｄ　ｔｈｅ　ｍｏｒｅ　ｉ　ｃ　ｔｈｅ　ｎｏｔｅｓ．．　ｔｈｅ　ｐａｉｎｆｕｌ　ｉｔ　ｇｅｔｓ．．
ｗｔｆ　ｉｓ　ｔｉｓ　ｍａｎ．．
ｓｈｏｕｌｄ　ｉ　ｃａｌｌ　ｉｔ　ａ　ｄａｙ？　ｏｒ　ｓｈｏｕｌｄ　ｃｏｎｔｉｎｕｅ？
ｔｏｔａｌｌｙ　ｈａｖｅ　ｎｏ　ｉｄｅａ．．．

two days later..

so hard to have a comfortable position to sleep..
turn right o left oso pain.
oli could face the ceiling and sleeping and reduce the movement..
morning wake up having trouble to stand up.
looks like a OKU only..
hand still recovering frm pain..
haihz.. final juz around.. still cant manage finish writing those important points.
physically and mentally tired...
somebody help me..

narrow escape

friend gt injured unable to sit for the coming final..
my body aching and the flash back of the things making me unable to focus!
gonna screw up my final again..
fuck man why is tis happeninig
a fine and happy day ended wif disaster

Hate myself

i was a pbsm member throughout my secondary school..
attempt to help people always fail especially those which are urgent
when i was form5, i done a mistakes
stpd enuf to find teachers and inform them rather checking the person condition
i had failed everything..
when think back i knw i really dun deserved to be a 1st aid member.
being so stupid at the urgent moment..
sigh...
yesterday, my friends and i went for a day trip to cameron
on the way bck we met accident and the car upside down.
his hand upper part fracture while the lower part hav a ddep cut till c the bone..
that moment, i tried call the ambulance bt they are being nt effective
and tat time i duno knw wat matters applied to his condition.
i was given a cloth to stop the bleeding.. they ask me tie it hard..
but i juz couldnt make it.. i juz wrapped around the wounds and tie a loose knot.
i afraid of doing the wrg things..
and when he still trapped in car, i dont knw how to pull him out,
one of my fren pull him out while i was calling ambulance
so.. i really a failure.
lucky 2 car went for a trip n my fren manage to send him to hospital in time..
while waiting him to b operate.
i m so down bec unable to figure out what is wrg n right..
n my past flash back again being an useless member and even a vice-president of pbsm
cant handle this matters.. i scare i tie loose knot will cause him loose too much blood
or if tat time i tied a tight knot.. his hand gonna b gone..
in high school always heard the instructor said people always tend to help bt ended up make the situation worst.. so i was worried am i the ONE of them..
the 4 hours in the hospital.. i suffered frm pain n the brain keep thinking those stuffs.
isnt tha pain mk me suffered bt the facts that i m a failure and unable to help me keep me struggle..
12 am we left the hospital without news..
and 3 am at last have his news.. he is ok..
hand will recover in 1 month bt ned half a year bck to normal
at last i could settle down..
nw my body pain like shitz...n final juz nxt week.
i running out of time n yet my mind still cant get this accident through..
the few secs b4 the car overturned..
i juz thinking how to tell my parents n deep in my heart hoping i dont hav serious injurt else my parents will b damn worried.. n rush down frm subang juz to c me..
juz dun hope to again becum the blacksheep of the family

Awaken

Well Done

haha, kind of happy wif my new achievement
juz bck kampar 2 days
i spent 20 bucks in CC d..
mean 2 days have 5 hours each in CC
hahha...
revision = 0
dota = improvement
total = DIE
try stdy 2 hours a day frm today
hopefully can do well
wish me luck.

Stress..

DAMMMITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTt
HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW
haihz...
3 subjects to revised..
1 subject need to worry...
notes are still in file..
newly bought highlighter haven use
things are untouched though d stdy week..
dying soon...
wat i do juz non stop complaining n dun even feel like stdying
crapz..
piece of shitz..
gonna spam all shitz here.
grrrr
ZZZzzzzzzz
anyone knw how to help me?

A step closer to my dream

to have a motorcycle is always my dream
too bad, parents stopping me frm taking the license
i always have the Ninja Kawasaki in my mind
bt it always seem impossible as the price is too high
however, juz gt to knw can get around 10k for 150cc below.
tis had tempted me to hav it so badly..
haihz.. duno how to get parents permission
i know the risk and how dangerous for riding a motorcycle.
bt if u ride during the younger age shuld b better than when u get old
evrything in this world do have risk...
prevetion is better than cure.
bt having tis dream since childhood,
n unable to fulfill it
juz like... so meaningless
hopefully, nxt year when talk to parents and slowly they will allow me la.
haihz.. juz pray hard they let
then i will b dam excited n happy..
=)

boring

get bck to kampar d..
sigh.. nw struggling to get the mood to start revision..
brain non-stop thinking of playing DOTA.
haha.. suck man.. once bck kampar d go CC..
i m totally screw up..
nw hav ntg to do..
couldnt fall asleep
couldnt open the bookz..
wat can i do..
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
sienz a..

meaningful weekend

even the final exam juz around the corner
i still manage to come bck and attend the primary school gathering
though there are just 16- 18 people, bt it is gud enuf.
nvr thought of this actually could b happen,
because initially i juz chui sui abt the date n time
who knws wif the help of few frens, IT HAPPEN.
haha, the feeling to drive to my primary school have mixed feelings
and i parked my car in the primary school... so much flash back in the brain
then move to the pasar nearby to meet wif the primary frens.
1st time having the breakfast in pasar n after 8 years, we manage to sit tgther..
2nd program of the day is sing k in neway bec we couldnt find a better things to do
after that they went to my dad shop and start talk n talkz..
i think the best part of the day is the talking part.
haha.. discuss abt wat happen those days..
full wif laughter =)
then after that, most of them are back, only left few go Dagei in FTZ..
a day juz passed like tat.. though is simple bt meaningful..

Limitation

sometimes things juz get out of control
the more u prevent it to happen the more likely it will happen
i m trying to bear wif it bt it always surpass my limits
so what is that?
why each ending must be like this.
cant juz b happy n enjoy the moment
each of us hav problems and things to b faced
which make us stress bt doesnt mean u can do watever u want
i m here to share bt ways of u doing it juz unacceptable
sorry if i had done another mistakes without realized
bt the pain n hw u pierce through my heart nw..
totally cant b describe
sick of it.... mind spend some time and think on my behalf
recently i get stressed up n fed up of everything d..
so.. really hope some1 is there..

Blanked

last week i manage to involved in a book fair after the 2012 movie..
out of boredom i go ahead and look around.. n i found the mandarin literature.
haha, remind me of so many things.. the beauty of Chinese literature..
duno why, i always felt that values and lessons from these chinese words
gave me larger impact than other languages
it has been a while since the last literature books i read.
miz it so much.. the lessons, stories, life n everything.
it makes u a person today and well prepare to face the future challenges..
=) making a person optimistic.. haha..
hope when holidays could get a suitable books and start reading.


i started to feel the heat.
heat of exam..
getting so stressed up lately though still nonstop da gei
sigh.. wat to do..
damn... juz the mood aint right..
lately, i become so restless... argh..
cant sty focus or even take the 1st step to start the revision
notes are evry where, nt looking at it since the midterm..
juz hope time wil stop n juz let me STONE for a moment.
hopefully this moment will last until i m ready

brain a brain stop thinking stuffss.
juz stp for nw..
let me becum the dead man for a secs
i duno who am i
i duno wat i want
i duno wat i becum
i knw i having shitz in the past..
hope to reborn
hope to ....
all these craps.
bullshitz..
hopeless
so.. fuck LIFE